Final Photo Series

My photo series centers around mental illness. As someone who has struggled with various mental health problems and knows many people who have been seriously impacted, I wanted to attempt to capture how it feels to struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Dermatillomania/Excoriation Disorder, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and Depersonalization Disorder. Though these specific issues inspired the theme of each photo, the emotions they speak to transcend the boundaries of a single diagnosis. I used the same model and editing style throughout the series to unify my message.

In doing this project, I also hoped to educate viewers about these illnesses. I will therefore explain what each photo depicts and why I chose that to represent the condition.

Photo #1 (BPD) depicts the girl drowning in cloudy water, colored red on one side and blue on the other. Symptoms of BPD include extreme mood swings and intense emotional reactions, highly impulsive behaviors, inability to maintain relationships, and strong feelings of isolation, emptiness, anxiety, and depression. 80% of people who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder have suicidal actions, and approximately 7% of those with BPD die by suicide. I wanted my model to show how being aware that you are so emotionally unstable yet unable to control it can isolate you and make you feel like you are suffocating.

Photo #2 (Dermatillomania) depicts the girl digging into her back with her nails near a spot where her skin appears to be peeling away like old paint from a wall. As someone who has had this Obsessive Compulsive Spectrum Disorder my whole life, it was easy for me to come up with a vision for the photo. People with Dermatillomania pick excessively at their skin, causing scabs and scarring. Even if they want to stop picking, they are unable to control it. Many people feel the need to “cleanse” their skin of blemishes that may or may not actually be there. In the moment, picking is calming and cathartic, but it later causes great distress and shame for the picker because of the visible aftermath. Many people with this illness wish they could just peel off all of their skin and start fresh, which is why I incorporated the peeling section of her back in this image.

Photo #3 (Depersonalization Disorder) shows the girl looking into a mirror, yet she does not see her reflection looking back at her. Again, this photo comes from a personal experience I’ve had. For the past year, I have had Depersonalization Disorder. This causes people to feel like their body and thoughts are disconnected from one another. People often become consumed with thinking about their brains, and their bodies feel like foreign objects, to the point where many lose some level of their physical sensations, including taste, pain, or smell. They still experience these sensations, but they do not register mentally. With depersonalization usually comes a fear of one’s own conscious mind that leads to panic attacks and depression. Sometimes depersonalization is accompanied by derealization, an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal and almost dreamlike. My first experience with depersonalization involved me staring into a mirror for an extended period of time, over-contemplating my existence, and not knowing who I was. This is why I chose to depict my model in a mirror but not have her reflection present. She is only half-there.

Photo #4 (PTSD) depicts hands holding a mirror; instead of her face being reflected, the mirror shows a rape scene. Those suffering from PTSD experience recurrent, unwanted distressing memories, flashbacks, or nightmares of the traumatic event. Reminders of the event trigger severe emotional distress or physical reactions. With this image, I wanted to show how her past experience has sadly replaced the way that she now sees herself and has impacted her ability to operate in daily life.